Numb

There is no feeling left in me to that which is good and just. My life, it seems, matters only to me. My heart about to bust.
Clouds consume the light once there, bathing in dark filled rain.
Filling the void, these drugs i take to dilute the pain.
Light on the horizon, it seems, just out of reach.
Aura of a heart filled shape, to them i'd like to teach.
Facades of love and salvation sounding most appealing.
But hate and war come out your mouth as you preach it's more revealing.
Dictating the mass to fullfill your goals
You lead the sheep to slaughter.
They blindly follow you to the end
Into ignorance, heads in it's jaws.
Manipulation at it's best
You use them to create these laws.
The illusion of freedom they seek with you
Their agency, unknowing, is on pause.
They do anything you tell them to.
They'd fight for any cause.

Death be Swift

Can't help thinking that one day I will die. The very thought brings back memories of dreams and that feeling just before being killed. It can hardly be described as something in this reality. It's as though my body shakes. Every atom vibrating extremely quickly. It is then that my body goes numb like the feeling when your arm is asleep but not tingling yet and you dare not move in fear of returning feeling. I hope that, when it's my time, death will be just as it is in my dreams. Devoid of all pain. Although the pain isn't there, the fear strikes true throughout my spyche. Not fear of loss but the fear of unknowing. Is this the end of my journey? Will i truely die? Or will my consciousness return to the dust along with my body to be one with the surrounding matter. Will i be sent to the pearly white gates? If god knows as much as they say, he knows the true desires of my heart. Does that warrant entry into this Shangra La? Wherever i go, i'm dead all the same. The only thing left is just my name and it's echoes reverberating in this pool of chaos.

Cosmic Understanding

Beauty of the stars untold
Evident only by sight
Denial of the life we hold
Scathed by propoganda and spite.
The love for a god unseen
Corrupting our sight of beauty
Look into the sky and see
The complexity that is you and me.
We are the product of the chaos,
That keeps our lives so interesting.
Finite rules of men, dictate our sight and hearing.
Only when we feel the doubt,
Do we see the clearing.
Clear your mind of the clutter
Forced down your throat for decades.
Discern the dictates of your conscience
Through the trial and error that defines us.
Life you must live before you learn
Your mind is nothing without the freedom
Repeating structures of thought-out control.
Be a singularity
Devout of all corruption.
Be all that you can be
Be a beacon among destruction.

Screwed

Excuse me for caring,
Or even daring, to take a chance on you.
Your interactions with these kinds of attractions,
From what i hear, are not few.
You won't have a problem with me anymore
I moved too fast because i wanted more.
I really liked you and thought you were fun.
Maybe it's better that you turned to run.

As one

Believe what you want to believe and let nature take its course. It works in mysterious ways. It may bring us together.... or apart. But just know that i love you... and nature has spoken. We are together. And beaming. Close. One with the Earth and with eachother. And as time goes on, we will grow strong. Becoming more of one being. As we come to realize who we are. And, as each moment passes, we will be.

Old Poem

Laughter and smiles come as thoughts of good times tumble through my head like a random ball of oil and partially liquified candy.
Odd pieces sticking out.
The apitomy of a man that didn't have much but had it all.
As I look back at it all I also feel the shame as I let something so loving pass on like a yell not met by ears. Those feelings still alive but not felt. Almost as if they existed in another dimention, resonating, almost grabbing you at times. Even as you try to move on, that feeling of something beautiful is right behind you but you are afraid to turn in fear that the disappointment might make you feel worse. "People fall in love with the memory of others", I don't know who said it but he was right. I remember all of the really good times and I want to say I'm in love when really it's my mind blocking out all the bad.

Lan Party Folk

	If you are a gamer at all, you have been to a lan party and there is a good variety of people that come. For those of you who don't know what a lan party is, a lan party is where gamers bring any gaming system and hook it up to the same network. Lan parties are a great chance for gamers to get out and meet other people but also to have some fun while they are at it. These parties include fun competitions such as guitar hero, fighting games and magic cards. All of these activities are fun but people are only there to play some video games and have some fun. There are 5 different types of lan party folk, the hardcore, the lamer, the noobs, the awkwardly nerdy and the wenches. Lamers are those people that have no life and no social skills. They are the ones that you wont see or hear from for a whole week because they are in thier basement doing raids on World of Warcraft. That or they are trying to save enough money for a warship in Eve Online by mining for 14 hours straight. You might try and call them to see if they would at least wanna go to an arcade or go hang out with chicks but they will not leave that computer unless it's to the fridge. These kinds of people make lan parties very lame! They come to the party just to use the party's massive internet connection.they do not converse with other people unless it's about some stupid expansion on the game that they are playing and they do not participate in any of the activities or play any of the games that everyone else is playing. Noobs, in this case, are new lan party attendees. This group usually includes the kids from high school who haven't learned to sit down and shut up. They are always running around screaming thier heads of or being really loud and this room is full of $1,000 to $3,000 computers. The only joy they bring to the party is the fact that they do participate in the games that are set up and it is substantially easy to beat them at any game. Although this group is somewhat annoying, they are welcome and encouraged to come because the more people that are at the party the more fun it will be. The awkwardly nerdy group is one of the more interesting groups. You usually meet this group by setting up your equipment right next to them at the party. They love to talk and seem to think that you love to listen no matter what the subject. This group always shows you thier background on the computer because it consists of either full/partially naked women or some video game concept art. They cannot stop at showing you the pictures but they proceed to tell you their detailed opinion on them. When it comes to wenches, there are two sub-catigories. The cooler of the two would be the skilled chick gamer. These women are very unpredictable but reserved. They kick your butt and some of the games but are completely helpless at others. These ladies are very fun to have around because they are not annoying and they are better company than the smelly nerdy dude you set up next to. Psycho gamer chicks are the girls you do not want around when it comes to parties in general. These girls play games but they are the little kid games and the only reason they play them is because they are cute. These girls are very annoying and always try and attract attention to how absolutely horrible they are at EVERY game that is played. They always find someone to cuddle with before the nights end. They do this by starting with the best looking guy and gently working thier way down until they pick someone up which usually ends up being one of the lame WoW players. Lan parties are fun because you get to show your skill to your friends and compete with each other. The hardcore gamer takes a lan party up a notch and makes it much more fun. The reason he is able to do this is because he/she has become good at a particular genre of games. When a game is played and a hardcore gamer does very well, he will talk some crap to the other players in good fun. This gives people more incentive to show up that hardcore gamer even more which in turn makes the lan party more competative and fun. The hardcore gamer is good for a lan party because he/she is always wanting to play more games with the people around them. This creates more social interaction that keeps the lan party moving. In truth a lan party isn't about what type of gamer you are, it is about going to have fun with whomever you would like. Even though these groups are very different from each other, they still respect each other. These are the bigger categories of the massive body that creates the Lan party folk group. There are many types of Lan party folk that are hard to categorize because they are so dang wierd and unique. These people are an enormous amount of fun to be around! I've never met so many awesome and fun people anywhere else. Even those WoW players :)